Welcome to L.A., where everyone is pitching a script or between castings. In this size 2 paradise, Jaine Austen (no relation) finds comfort in pints of Chunky Monkey, fast food drive thrus, and her spunky devil cat, Prozac. Working as a freelance writer for such prestigious institutions as ToiletMasters Plumbing and Ackerman’sAwnings hasn’t exactly made her famous or wealthy, but it keeps her in chardonnay and Oreos. What more could a single girl need? Between fluffing up pathetic resumes and creating new slogans for greater Los Angeles area businesses, Jaine works up a healthy appetite evading humiliating dating disasters, mastering creative math techniques on her check book, and finding a place to store the atrocious shopping network “booty” sent to her by her mother. Best friend Kandi is always handy with her latest ploy to find a man (notable examples include attending AA meetings and skydating) and dieting advice (who doesn’t want to hear how to lose five pounds from a size 2?). Nosy but darling next door neighbor Lance has plenty of fashion assistance and a handy discount at the Neiman Marcus’ shoe counter. With her wacky parents safely across the country wrecking havoc on their Florida retirement community, Jaine has plenty of time to take monumental bubble baths and attend to Prozac’s every whim. Despite a painfully bad relationship history (she was once married to a man she now refers to as the Blob and finds herself on on a series of awkward and cringe-inducing dates), Jaine manages to attract the attention of a sexy eligible bachelor or two as she travels the highways and byways in her ancient Corolla. Oh, and did I mention she’s an amateur private investigator? Because in addition to the cellulite on her thighs and mass of unruly curls, Jaine has a penance for stumbling onto hard luck cases. With her generous heart and equally generous backside, how can she refuse to offer help when someone is wrongfully accused of murder?
This Pen for Hire: Book 1
Jaine’s desperation for work leads her into trouble when she agrees to write a love letter for a nerdy client. When the object of his affection agrees to a date, Howard is thrilled, but his delight turns to terror when he finds his date blugeoned to death with a thighmaster. Naturally, the mild-mannered mama’s boy is arrested and charged with the murder, but Jaine is certain that there is more to the story. Feeling guilty for her role in securing the date, Jaine agrees to look into the case, and soon finds herself up to her neck in suspects. Could a rival aerobics trainer be to blame? Or did a jilted lover get the playgirl back? Was she blackmailing an influential client? Or did a harassed neighbor finally have enough? Soon Jaine is in over her head and a killer is on her trail.
Last Writes: Book 2
When Kandi ropes Jaine a writing job on a sitcom, it looks like everything is finally turning around. But Jaine’s nerves are put to the test as she attempts to sell her script and help see it produced on Muffy and Me. With a cast of characters straight out of reality television, it is a wonder that anything ever gets accomplished, but Jaine’s hard work is about to pay off… until the handsome, philandeering cohost is poisoned in front of a live studio audience during taping. Jaine’s natural nosiness has already pinpointed a few suspects, but when Kandi is arrested, she knows she better work fast before her friend is singing the jailhouse blues. Who would want Quinn Kirkland dead? As Jaine begins snooping, the suspects begin pilling up and someone is trying to keep her quiet. Can Jaine find the real killer before Kandi is charged? Or will the real killer make it lights out?
Killer Blonde: Book 3
It looks like Jaine’s luck is changing fort the better when she receives a call from society maven Sue Ellen Kingsley. She hires Jaine to ghost write a book about hostess tips for the high society crowd. Sounds simple, right? But working with Sue Ellen is anything but easy. No wonder everyone keeps wishing Jaine good luck. Perched on the edge of a hard toilet set listening to a size 2 bimbo plagarize recipes is bad enough, but then Jaine witnesses the extent of Sue Ellen’s cruelty especially to her step children. Unable to restrain herself, Jaine decides to tell the botoxed beauty where she can shove it, but the thought of leaving Sue Ellen’s overweight and shy step daughter, Heidi, alone with no allies is too much to bear. Soon after, the blonde bully is found face down in her bath tub, the victim of her own hairdryer. Jaine is tempted to say good riddance until Heidi is arrested for the crime. Naturally Jaine cannot let things end this way, and in no time she is snooping around looking for clues. With Sue Ellen’s meanness a factor, there is no shortage of suspects and Jaine finds herself struggling to stay one step ahead of the real killer.
Shoes to Die For: Book 4
When Lance convinces Jaine to try a new look, she finds herself at Passions, a hip boutique with more drama than style. As luck would have it, the owner is looking for some new ideas for the store’s magazine ads, so Jaine sets to work. In no time Jaine’s snooping nets a ton of gossip. When snarky sexpot Gisselle, aka Frenchie, is caught insulting an important customer, it looks like her reign of terror may have finally come to an end. Unfortunately, however, Frenchie has a few tricks up her sleeve and in no time, she has taken over the business, threatened the jobs of her former boyfriend and his new gal pal, and placed Jaine on notice. Arriving to pitch her ideas, however, Jaine finds the fiendish fashionista stabbed with her own designer stilleto. With everyone as a suspect, Jaine has her work cut out for her, especially when super cute pixie girl Betsy is accused of the crime. Can Jaine clear Betsy’s name before the real killer strikes again?
The PMS Murder: Book 5
Jaine meets a like-minded friend while shopping and is soon invited to join a weekly margarita and gripe fest called the PMS club. She immediately takes a shine to all of the group except for the overly perky and somewhat snotty Marybeth, and looks forward to their next meeting. The next meeting, however, is all drama when Marybeth callously reveals that she is having an affair wtih the hostess’ husband. To make matters worse, Marybeth brings in an outside partner instead of promoting her long-suffering assistant (the token gay member of the club). When the gloating tart crumbles over the guacamole, the police immediately suspect the jilted wife of spiking the dip with peanut oil. Since everyone was aware of the deceased severe peanut allergy, a murder investigation ensues. While the hostess was certainly distraught the night of the murder, Jaine wonders if there might be more to the case than meets the eye. As she begins to investigate, however, she is shocked as every member of the club becomes a suspect. Meanwhile, Jaine’s chances of landing a cushy newsletter job with a local bank is put on hold as the case carries on. To make matters worse, so too is her flirtation with the super hunky bank agent, at least until she can solve the case. The more she snoops, however, the more complicated the case becomes. And now it seems the real murder is hot on her trail.
Death by Pantyhose: Book 6
Though she has taken her share of crummy jobs but when a local comic requests her help writing new material, Jaine says no way. For once, she has a promising job interview and a little in the bank to tide her over. But when her interview goes terribly wrong, Jaine finds herself at the Laff Palace witnessing one of the most unfunny acts ever. Desperate, Jaine agrees to help Dorcas MacKenzie with her act, but before any serious work can get done, a brutal murder takes place. Dorcas’ slimeball rival comic Vic has been strangled by a pair of pantyhose, the very same kind that Dorcas uses in her tortured act. To make matters worse, just hours before the murder, the entire Laff Palace witnessed a blow up between Vic, Dorcas, his writer Hank, his jilted girlfriend Allison, his sleazy lover “Pebbles”, and his agent Manny. Everyone has a motive and Jaine is on the case. While Dorcas has ample reason and opportunity, did she finally break down and kill her rival? Or did one of his many spurned lovers take care of him instead? There are many business associates with scores to settle as well. Can Jaine solve the case or will she die trying?
Killing Bridezilla: Book 7
When her high school foe offers three thousand dollars to write her vows, Jaine wonders if she will regret it. The answer is of course, yes. Any illusions that Jaine harbored that Patti may have changed evaporate seconds after they reunite. Not only is the bitch back, but she wants Jaine to modernize Romeo & Julietfor her vows. As the bride’s demands change daily, Jaine feels like she’s back in high school. Soon our heroine is surrounded by former schoolmates, bitter memories, and the need to finally prove herself. As Bridezilla tortures everyone around her, Jaine’s snooping exposes a lot of hard feelings. In addition to a harried caterer, Patti has made enemies of her fiance’s exwife and mother as well as a former best friend. No one is particularly sad when the bride tumbles off the balcony and impales herself on Cupid’s arrow, but it becomes apparent that the fall was no accident. When the groom’s ex is arrested, Jaine comes to her former classmate’s aid and agrees to investigate. Everyone has a motive and Jaine’s probes seem only to intensify the tension. When the only witness is found murdered, Jaine is sure she is on the right path, but can she solve the case before the killer strikes again?
Killer Cruise: Book 8
When Jaine is treated to a luxury cruise as part of an assignment, it seems that she can finally relax. Unfortunately, her troubles only begin when she discovers that her beloved cat, Prozac, has stowed away. In her attempts to conceal the purring passenger, however, Jaine finds herself being blackmailed and soon her soothing vacation is pure torture. Nothing is going right, and then Jaine’s only friend, Cookie, finds out that her boyfriend Graham is a snake. When he announces his engagment to elderly passenger Emily Pritchard, everyone is shocked, including Emily’s money-hungry family and assistant. Soon after Cookie confronts him, however, the adulterous ass is found murdered on the deck. As the crew attempts to keep the murder quiet, Cookie is hauled off to the brig and Jaine vows to investigate. Clues mount, but Jaine is no closer to solving the crime when someone attempts to end her snooping for good. Can Jaine salvage her vacation, solve the case, and keep Prozac out of quarantine?
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